That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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