Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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