dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
