So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
