life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
