Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
