Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
