I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
