Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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