I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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