I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how drunk are you?
Several
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
