You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
