Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
