So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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