so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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