I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
