he thought i was a dude.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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