Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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