dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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