I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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