Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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