Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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