Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
