Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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