Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
