i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think i got beer on your cat.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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