Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
