Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
