Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
