Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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