I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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