a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You dont lie about slip and slides
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
