Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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