shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
