i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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