hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
