allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
