So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
smell my finger.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
