Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
