I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
