Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
