During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
