filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
