Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
don't judge my taste in strippers
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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