His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
