She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh god it's open bar.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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