is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
