if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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