Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
