so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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