I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
