I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
